in the midst of nowhere;the center – the multiplicities of centeredness – relating as coordinates- sensing just sensing. without striving to make the sense*
Hawthorn asks what is life in the practice of
nonstriving
nonstriving
nonstriving
wind
swim
sing
aliveness as just
sensing heart
held in longitude and latitude
it is a kind of oversaturation
i am unfamiliar with
giving the unsought conditioning,
guards,
and defenses
all back
during my sit with the hawthorn tree, i stopped thinking completely.
”i” slipped into a puddle of nothingness.
or, “i” dissolved into just a position of coordinates
a sort of dissolution of form (into) less ness(t).
I sensed completely, until there was nothing left of …Me… by itself
when i was alive with no thoughts, i did begin to sweat from the loss of my narrator.
my-ness didn’t exist anymore without my thoughts. because
There is nothing unique to report in universal sensing.
alive but dead
but alive
without a self? visiting outside of self in
erotic time1
“where time is felt, relational, intuitive, and shaped by the body, by spirit, by the ecology we belong to.” (amalia scott jančič)
in the name of the center of the cosmos
when you stop narration, script following, and analysis completely
then a funny little creator-peering-telescope our body becomes.
its like; something looking out from no point, into
vivid
unrelenting
sensing of forms in sequence
and with the decentering,
the disorientation into just orientation it is ,
overwhelming aliveness
to strip it all away and relate with- every spec, every something every possible ______
ultimately, being the center.
Hawthorn showed me the world as if every being in my field were points of thread meeting. A vigilant web of be – in(g). being
caveless coordinates every fleck the center
spider teaches this
In the last few months; i have journeyd with spider. three different beings have made dwellings in my car. One lived in my exterior driver mirror, scuttling behind the mirror when we started to drive too fast; if not it panged me in tenseness to see them bobbing back and forth like light on water. i’d pull over, even exit off the highway one time— and coax them behind the mirror. They spun and respun a web from the exterior mirror to my(our) driver’s window, another sort of mirror.
after this one folded back into time, one inside, on my dash, that made a cave-like-web in the corner nearest my view, just toward the west. now, there is one in my cupholder. and I can’t not share the time a black widow webbed in the foot area of my passenger’s seat, during the pandemic.
in non exaggeration i encounter a spider every day. i’m always touched, as if i’m in connection to something, creator.
Hawthorn, and spider are super vision. thresholds for lostness. melters of linearity and acquisition – the unassuming curtain in the corner, that opens and its all stars and darkness; or maybe another open, and it shows everything as it is; but just as outline and whats left is stars and darkness
put another way,
everywhere(creator)(crater)(cradle) is the center point of some:(whole)/(wear)/(re-verb)
everywhere(creator)(crater)(cradle) is the center point of some:(whole)/(wear)/(re-verb)
When they lose their sense of awe,
People turn to religion.
When they no longer trust themselves,
They begin to depend upon authority.
Therefore the Master steps back
so that people won’t be confused.
They teach without a teaching,
so that people will have nothing to learn.——72, Tao Te Ching
i wonder about holding a light touch in identifying
accumulating nothing that isn’t ephemeral
sensing without making sense
without forcing sense
state in: mesmerized and curious
no effort in discriminating
see it all for what it is
let them have their stories, each and everyone and engage completely
but don’t consume.
did you know Hawthorn emits the chemical Trimethylamine, emanating the smell of both sex and death2
life making : death making
death emitting : life emitting
or maybe it is not sex and death but just passageway. what would you say?
studies show spider is not separate from their web. thinks in their web — if their web gets destroyed; they experience neurological trauma. 3
disillusion
the curtain woke up
the participation became
a forgetting a remembering a not making a re – verbing. the magician..! who sees all around as the parts of the potion; the hawk feather inconspicuous, falling just as i notice i am simultaneously invocating the need of unrestricted motion
living in a communal legacy
not mine to figure out for you;
the legacy of
always hereness beyond body drag
belongs to no one
amalia scott jančič describes the erotic timeline, “where time is felt, relational, intuitive, and shaped by the body, by spirit, by the ecology we belong to.”
University of Salford, Carey Davies, the atmosphere in the hawthorn hedge is electric, The Gaurdian
Ballooning Spiders, Electrical Fields, and Abandoning Our Webs Sophie Strand